Helping Tweens Build a Healthy Relationship With Beauty
Beauty can be exciting. Hair, clothes, makeup, nails, skincare, and personal style can all give tweens opportunities to experiment and discover how they like to express themselves.
But during a stage when young people are becoming increasingly aware of peers, trends, and social media, it’s important that beauty remains something they can enjoy—not something they have to live up to.
Make beauty about expression
Instead of presenting beauty as a way to “fix” something, encourage tweens to see it as another form of creativity.
Trying a new hairstyle can be fun. Choosing nail colors can show personality. Playing with makeup can be artistic.
The difference is the message:
“What do you like?” rather than “What should you look like?”
Compliment more than appearance
There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Your hair looks beautiful!”
But appearance shouldn’t be the only thing children hear celebrated.
Notice their creativity, kindness, effort, humor, curiosity, courage, and accomplishments too. APA resources on healthy body image specifically encourage adults to focus on children’s inner qualities, abilities, gifts, and skills rather than centering appearance.
Talk about what they see online
Social media can expose tweens and teens to highly curated appearances and unrealistic beauty standards. Research summarized by the APA links appearance-focused social comparison online with poorer body image and other negative outcomes, particularly among girls.
Rather than simply saying that social media is “fake,” help them become curious:
Was this image edited?
Is this showing everyday life or someone’s best moment?
Is this trying to sell us something?
How does this content make you feel?
These conversations build media literacy rather than fear.
Let beauty be optional
A tween shouldn’t need makeup, styled hair, perfect nails, or trendy clothes to feel ready to be seen.
Beauty experiences can be wonderful when the message remains:
You can enjoy these things because they’re fun—not because you need them to be enough.
Model the message
Children notice how adults talk about themselves too. Research and guidance around body image emphasize the influence caregivers can have through their own attitudes and behaviors toward appearance.
That means one of the most powerful messages adults can give children isn't necessarily something they say directly to them.
It may simply be letting them see that confidence and self-worth don't require perfection.
Beauty can then become what it should be: one fun way to express who you already are.
Recommended Reading
American Psychological Association — Helping Girls Build a Healthy Body Image
A discussion with psychologists Janet Boseovski and Ashleigh Gallagher about body image development and the role caregivers can play.APA — Fostering a Positive Body Image
Practical guidance for encouraging body diversity, self-esteem, and a focus on qualities beyond appearance.APA — Health Advisory on Social Media Use in Adolescence
Research-based guidance on social comparison, appearance-related content, and social media literacy.
